Rose Madrid-Swetman

— Random Thoughts, Stories of Life, and Questions about the Journey —


December 1, 2016

Heart-Mary-20 Years!

Category: Advent,All Posts,Love,Stories of Life – Rose – 4:50 pm

It is just about 8 months since I learned I was in very serious heart failure and it is only a few days until Rich and I celebrate our 20-year anniversary!

Recovery continues to be my way of life. Next month I will have another test to see what’s happening with my heart. I will find out if it is improving, staying the same or…

I am learning how to adjust to a new way of life. I am feeling so much better and yet I am not able to physically do what I used to do. It can be frustrating when my physical ability fails me. I am getting better at not scheduling beyond my capacity but who am I fooling it is HARD to say no to things I love to do. The other side of that coin is REST. Never have I leaned into rest like I have to now in order to reboot my body, my mind, my being. This is my new normal.

We hosted Thanksgiving for 21 at our house and then two days later semi-hosted a baby shower for our daughter. By Sunday morning my entire body hurt. I told Rich, “My bones even ache.” I have had down time, resting all week to reboot. I didn’t do too much, it is a point of fact that when I do things I will need to take time for recovery. When I hit my limit I have to rest.

I still have a long way to go to recover emotionally and spiritually from all that led up to my heart failing. What I do have is an amazing support system. Family, friends, church, therapist, doctors, and a Spiritual Director – how can I not be recovering with so much love and support?
In many ways I feel like I am in an incubator. An old life is passing and a new life is emerging. My life seems to correlate with the seasons right now. We are in Advent, a time of “Expectant Waiting.” I think of Mary, when the Angel Gabriel appeared to her and told her she was “highly favored.” My friend DeAnn one day last summer shared with me how she was thinking about Mary’s life and what it might mean to be highly favored. DeAnn pointed out that being highly favored of God for Mary meant a life full of sacrifice, obedience and suffering. Yet, the Son of God was conceived and grew in her womb. She is remembered to this day as being blessed. I wonder what God is birthing in my life. I wait, I wonder, I pray and I have hope.

A good friend gave me a birthday card with this quote: “You go on by doing the best you can. You go on by being generous. You go on by being true. You go on by offering comfort to others who can’t go on. You go on by allowing the unbearable days to pass and allowing the pleasure in other days. You go on by finding a channel for your love and another for your rage.” Cheryl Strayed, Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar

My therapist suggested that my spiritual discipline for this season of my life be “pleasure.” How lovely is that? It resonates with the above quote for me. Finding channels for love and for rage. The truth is I can find pleasure in so many things that I love. Finding pleasure in allowing a channel for my rage has been a new experience and a profoundly healing one. I will continue to allow the unbearable days to pass and allow myself to be present to all of the beautiful pleasure that surrounds me daily. Speaking of pleasure!

Our 20th-anniversary is December 6th! When I reflect on the past twenty years with Rich I can honestly say it has been one wild ride! We have traversed dark death valleys more than once. We have been taken to amazing heights on so many occasions! We have fought like dogs and cats and we have got on like love birds. For me our marriage has been like wine getting better and better as it ages.

Here are a few things I love about Rich. He insists we play! Left to myself my life can become much too serious. Rich actually schedules fun for us. Rich love me, he loves our kids and our grandchildren. He loves God and sharing our faith has become the glue that cements us together. When we got married Rich had five children, I had two and we had at the time two grandchildren. We had Alex together and now we are expecting grand baby number 22 in January!

Rich and I have a tradition. Each year on our anniversary we try to remember what we did for all the previous anniversaries. It’s fun to try and remember where we were, what we did, and what our life was like. For me remembering is an important practice. It is in remembering all the good, the joy, the bad and the sorrow that I know life is woven together and made into a beautiful story.

I would not trade my life for anything (well just about anything). From every valley, mountain and all the in-between is where my story intersects with a larger Story being worked out in human history. A Story that is heading for all things being made right. That is the Hope I hold onto for dear life. No matter what happens, there will be a day as Julian of Norwich speaks of, “but all shall be well, and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well.” Amen

December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas

Category: Advent,All Posts – Rose – 2:29 pm

From the Celtic Daily Prayer Book

This night is the eve of the great nativity
when those who are longing await His appearing.

Wait, with a watchful heart.

Listen carefully, through the stillness;
listen, hear the telling of the waves upon the shore.

Listen, hear the song of the angels glorious–
e’re long it will be heard
that His foot has reached the earth:
news–that the glory is come!

Truly His salvation is near
for those who fear Him,
and His glory shall dwell in our land.

Watch and pray, the Lord shall come.
Those who are longing await His appearing.
Those who listen await His cry.

Watch…
Wait…
Listen…

This night is the long night.

And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. But the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger.”

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
“Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests.”

Even so, Come Lord Jesus

December 21, 2008

Random Thoughts on the Advent/Christmas Season

Category: Advent,All Posts,Community,Random Thoughts,Stories of Life – Rose – 10:02 am

Advent/Christmas, the entire season is really my favorite time of the year. I love autumn but I really love this time of year. I have wonderful memories of Christmas through the years. My mom would make Italian Christmas cookies, candy and lots of pasta. Christmas Eve we would go to midnight mass and then come home and open one present before going to bed, always new pajamas!
My mom would set out milk and Italian cookies (scallini), divinity fudge but not just for Santa, she would tell us that Jesus and the apostles would come and sit around the table as well. Imagine as a small child thinking, “Jesus and the apostles are sitting at our table tonight?” That was just as exciting to me as Santa coming.
Christmas morning my parents would always leave a “big’ gift unwrapped out for each of us, this was our gift from Santa. One year it was a bike, another a Chatty Kathy doll (I loved that doll?) another an Easy Bake Oven…
Christmas meant, peace, giving, receiving, good food, family, church, very fond memories.
Somehow over the years I have grown to love the entire season, beginning with Advent. Embracing not only celebrating that Jesus came as a baby over 2000 years ago, but living in hope that He will come again and when He does, everything, all sickness, death, violence, war, mental illness, addictions, poverty, everything will be put to right. This is how I celebrate the four weeks of Advent and the season of Christmas.
Each week we as we light the Advent candles we have reflected on each candle and asked the question, “how can I give and receive the gift of hope, peace, joy and now today, love?”
Today we had to cancel our worship gathering because of weather, we would have listened to folks from our community tell a story of how the light of Christ came into some part of their darkness this past year. Then we would have had a talk on how to“ receive” this Christmas. We would have sang carols together and closed in prayer.
Today, in order to practice waiting for Christ to come in all His forms into my life, I will light the Advent candles with my family, sit in stillness for 15 minutes and receive the love of God into my entire being and then we will sing some Christmas carols. This week I will try to be mindful of how the light of Christ comes into my life moment by moment. As I drive around town and see Christmas lights I will look at them in wonder and allow them to shine into my soul and use them as moments of prayer to ask God to shine his love into the hearts of those that are suffering and in pain.
I wish you a wonderful, blessed Advent/Christmas season.

December 10, 2008

Festival of Lights – My Favorite Holiday Party

Category: Advent,All Posts,Community,Mission – Rose – 10:37 pm

We (The Vineyard and Turning Point) help host a holiday party for a low-income apartment community that is over 80% immigrants. It is like a mini United Nations, so much color, difference and beauty all in one room. This was our fourth year helping serve some pretty incredible folks. This really is my favorite holiday party.

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December 6, 2008

Advent Week 2 – Peace

Category: Advent,Prayers,Stories of Life – Rose – 2:21 pm

Tomorrow is the second Sunday of Advent, we light the candle of Peace. Prayers are for peace in our very unsettling world globally, locally and personally. We pray for the Prince of Peace to bring peace on earth and goodwill to all people. In my personal life having heard the news my dad’s death I have been wrestling with processing the death of a parent I was estranged from most of my life. I find peace in a beautiful song by Kevin Prosch:
Kiss the Son

When you’ve been broken, broken to pieces.
And Your heart begins to faint
’cause you don’t understand.
And when there is nothing to rake from the ashes.
And you can’t even walk
onto the fields of praise.

But I bow down and kiss the Son.
Oh, and I bow down and kiss the Son.

Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth.
Let the praise of the Lord be in my mouth.

Well, though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.
Well, though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.
Though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.
Though You slay me, I will trust You, Lord.

When the rock falls, falls upon you.
And you get ground to dust
no music for your pain.
You open the windows, the windows of heaven.
And then You opened me
and You crushed me like a rose.

I pray for Immanuel to come into the darkness of my own heart and bring rays of healing light…