I was raised in an Italian/Mexican/American household. I attended twelve years of parochial school; we were Roman Catholic. Jesus captured my heart at an early age. As a young child attending mass, I saw the body of Jesus on the cross over the altar, and somehow, I knew he did that for me. I wanted to be a nun when I grew up so I could marry Jesus.

Sadly, with the abuse happening at home, I coped by using drugs, beginning at a very early age. When I was a sophomore in high school, I met a man (eight years older) and ended up marrying him at age seventeen, just after I graduated. I had two children, and my marriage ended in tragic divorce. (More in another post).

My first experience with patriarchy was in my family of origin. My Mexican/American father ruled our house with his machismo use of violence. I also realized the patriarchy in the Roman Catholic Church as I grew older. My mother often went to our priest after my father had used violence on her or one of us, yet she was told to stay; divorce was not an option.

This series will include my personal stories and stories from women who have pioneered the treacherous landscape of gender inequality. Inequality is experienced both in the church and outside of the church. It is rampant in both arenas.

I realize now that I lost myself before I ever knew who I was. Writing my story, I am filled with fear and second-guessing. Yet, I believe it is a way for me to find true freedom to be me.

I am convinced that biblical equality is found throughout the biblical text when read through the lens of the Kingdom of God. From the story’s beginning to the end, we see God’s intention that men and women are to be image bearers, working together to serve God as equal partners within creation.

Conflict in the church is not new. From the New Testament letters and throughout church history, we have seen good people disagree over serious issues. Issues such as the nature of Christ in the first century to how we baptize to biblical inerrancy in our not-too-distant past have caused great conflict between God-loving people. Such is the continuing case with the debate over equality for women in the church. As my husband says, “I wasn’t a bad person when I held a complementarian view; I was just wrong.”

I wrote a foreword for the book, Unladylike: Resisting the Injustice of Inequality in the Church by Pam Hogeweide a few years back. It was during this time that the mega-church, Mars Hill, was growing and having influence all around my city. Here is part of that Foreword:

“Today, as I sit in my home office writing this foreword, I am keenly aware of the young Reformed movement that has a growing influence in my city and across the nation. This movement validates and reinforces the oppression of women for a new generation. Through their theological view of male and female roles, this movement perpetuates the injustices against women in the church. Any denomination, movement, or local church that excludes women from full equality with men, perpetuates a wrong that the gospel of Jesus has made right… the plea—is to not see this issue as a matter that falls into “disputable matters” (adiaphora), but rather see it as the justice issue it is.

In other words, those who are oppressed—even if that oppression is polite—must themselves find a new narrative for their lives that honors the full image of God they carry.  This means that resistance is necessary, whatever that may look like in a woman’s life. It means that resignation will get us nowhere. A sense of resignation that things are the way things are keeps women immobile and unimaginative.”

My hope for this series is that women would read these stories and not feel alone. For the women writing, I hope they experience healing in writing the stories of their experience in this often confusing, mixed-up dance of gender equality. I pray that younger women will hear of the women who blazed trails they are now on and that they will clear an even wider way forward.

Next post: It was the season of light it was the season of darkness