In 2006 the board of Vineyard USA led by Bert Waggoner passed a resolution. “In response to the message of the kingdom, the Vineyard Movement encourages, trains, and empowers women in all areas of leadership.”
I am unsure of the extent of the fallout throughout the movement. However, I do know we lost churches due to this decision. For example, in our area, we had a church disengage from the Vineyard because they knew this decision was coming. You can read about this church here, and I caution you the stories you will find about this network of churches remind me so much of Mars Hill Church. It is a network of churches steeped in the patriarchy.
Rich and I had been hosting area pastor’s meetings; we had not had an area leader for a few years. When the board passed the resolution, a few things happened with our regional leader. First, he asked me to lunch. We met at an Italian restaurant. I was nervous. When you get an invitation from someone in authority over you, do you feel like you are going to the principal’s office? So we met for lunch, and he asked me if I would be the Washington area leader. I will never forget, he said, “I want to be clear. I am not asking you and Rich; I am asking you to be the area leader.” When I told Rich, his response was, “of course, you should be the area leader; you have been functioning that way for the past few years.” As a woman in ministry, my husband has been my biggest cheerleader. He has had no ego in me having a title, a role that does not include him. Many men I knew then would have been completely intimidated by their wives being the lead. I said yes.
Next, a few months later, the regional leader and his wife hosted an area gathering to share that I was stepping into the role of area leader. I can’t remember everyone in the room. I am pretty sure all of the area pastors and spouses were there. At some point during the meeting, I remember he (the regional leader) saying something like this in front of everyone: “Rose, I am sorry for all the years I did not acknowledge your leadership. You have been more Christlike regarding this issue than most.” I was stunned. He and I had many debates over the years about women’s ordination and leadership in the church. Then, one by one, the pastors in that room blessed me. I was so undone, crying tears of joy. That moment seemed like a dream. Women could finally be acknowledged according to their gifting and calling rather than gender. But, it is one thing to pass a resolution. It is quite another thing to dismantle the mountains of rampant patriarchy in the movement I loved.
Before the resolution, Bert Waggoner asked the board members to read books on all sides of the argument. Bert also made a call for position papers. Regional leaders brought books back and asked their regional teams to read them. Position papers were distributed and read. I was not on the team when all of this was processed. But, as an area leader, I was a regional leader’s team member. The regional leader warned me before my first team meeting that a few folks on the team opposed the resolution. A couple of them had threatened to leave the Vineyard over the issue of women in ministry. So, my first team meetings were awkward. I knew some didn’t think I should be there, yet everyone was kind. It was complicated for some team members, and because of our relationship, it was hard for them to villainize me.
Once a year, our national director would host an LTM (Leadership Team Meeting). The LTM was for anyone in a national leadership role. At the meeting, there would be a time to introduce new leaders. These meetings were in a resort hotel. Our meetings would be in a ballroom filled with folks who, for the most part, would only see each other at this meeting. It was a time for reconnecting, hearing the vision for where Vineyard was going and praying for one another. My first time going to the meeting, I was excited and anxious. I felt invited to the table, yet I knew many in that room were not for women in leadership.
My friends Jamie and Michelle Wilson sat in the front row when they were announcing the new area leaders. Michelle told me they would be there to support me because they knew there was opposition in the room. I am so grateful for them.
I watched and listened as the names of the new area leaders were called. There was enthusiasm, excitement, and clapping throughout the room each time. I was getting even more fearful and anxious, anticipating when my name would be called. When I heard Bert say my name, it felt like he was a proud father because I was the first woman named to a leadership role on a national level. Bert’s hard work was bearing fruit, and I think he was proud in the best of ways.
As I walked up to the front to join the others, I heard my husband, Michelle, Jamie, and others clapping. But unfortunately, the muted response from sections of the room was palpable.
There is something very unsettling about being in a room with people who think you have no right to a role based on how God designed you. I felt honored and nervous, and I felt a sense of shame. It would take years to understand why opposition to being a woman in leadership caused me to feel shame.
Over time, I realized my feelings of shame were a product of my abuse and the insidious work of the patriarchy.
